


Getting There

by jenkinzram



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Cancer, DO NOT BE ALARMED BY WARNINGS, Domestic Fluff, END OF WARNINGS, Fluff, Healing, I PROMISE IT ENDS HAPPILY, IT IS NEEDED, PLEASE DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE FIRST CHAPTER, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, WARNINGS AFTER THIS TAG, coping with loss, farm, slowburn, tags will be added as needed, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-05-30 02:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15086801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenkinzram/pseuds/jenkinzram
Summary: Devastated by the recent news that his cancer is in stage four, Jesse goes out to his favorite pond to end it all on his terms. As everything fades to black, waking back up is the last thing he expects.





	1. Chapter 1

The water was cold against his feet as he stared across the cold and unfeeling expanse. Small ripples were created by droplets that plummeted from the sky, and soon the surface was vibrating from the intrusion. His heart continued to beat against his wishes as he dipped his hands below the surface where there was no current. There was a weird connection between himself and the ancient pond. While its surface was alive, the depths were still and silent; much like himself. 

Idly he swished his hands about, but it didn't change the way he felt in the moment. Empty. Alone. Silent. He stood and took a few tentative steps into the cold until his knees were submersed. A feeling of acceptance began to creep through his mind. People went missing on hiking trails that ran through his property all the time. Several people have even slipped and fallen into ponds much like this one before. No one would question what happened, and this pond is so far in… he had doubts on whether anyone would ever find him. Maybe they'd just assume the bears got to him like they did so many others.

Acceptance held onto him. The sick had already taken over and there was no hope for him. He could wait for cancer to take him or go on his own terms. Go through another few months of absolute hell for the same outcome or just continue walking and be where he loves forever. What few friends he had had already told him they loved him and acted like they already knew what he hadn't actually planned on. No one had tried to stop him if they thought it because they understood what his future could be. No one wanted him to go through that pain if he honestly couldn't handle it.

The water thoroughly soaked him up to his waist and the rain was beginning to drop off his clothes. In a weird way, it was comfortable. As he walked further, the weight of tumors was lightened by the pond. He no longer felt a few months pregnant from it, and the relief on his back was welcoming. Warm trickles on water went down his face, but he had no one he needed to explain them to. This was his time, and he planned on expressing everything he felt.

The sorrow of never being able to run his farm and never being able to live long enough to hire someone else to. Never being able to see his best friend get married to the girlfriend he's obviously destined for. Never being able to get married to a beautiful person who could make all his life have meaning. Never being able to raise kids on the land he fought so hard to keep. Never being able to grow old and watch those kids grow and have families. So many doors have been slammed shut for him, why can't he shut the last one for this mortal plane?

The water began to tickle at his shoulders and the back of his neck, so he pushed himself forward and began to swim out to the middle. Fatigue was claiming his already tired body. Numbness was replacing the acute cold he felt stinging his skin. This pond was already welcoming him as though it remembered him through all these years.

This was the pond he and his dad always swam in when he was younger. This was the pond his dad took him to when his mom was killed in a car accident so they could mourn. This was the pond he took his best friends to when they wanted to drink to the good times and the bad. This was the pond he went to when his dad was diagnosed with cancer. This was the pond he mourned with when his dad passed away in the hospital, body unable to fight the illness. This was the pond he came to when his world fell apart and he was diagnosed with cancer. This was the pond he wanted to close his book with. The pond that held his happiest and saddest memories. The pond he considered him more than anywhere else. 

As his arms grew tired, he simply quit paddling them against the water. His clothes were quick to begin to pull him down. He took one last breath before letting himself sink, and he knew the next few moments would be painful. But they'd be nothing compared to the few months he was escaping. As his lungs grew tired, he opened his mouth and let his last bit of air out. Water was quick to fill. It burned and hurt, he coughed at it despite himself. But he watched his last breath bubble its way up to the surface. It made a small break in the top of the pond as his vision began to darken.

When his vision was gone and he suddenly felt warmth, he knew his suffering was drawing to a close. He would never have to feel the pain of organs failing him or tumors colonizing his body again. He would never have to say goodbye to his friends again since they'd said them before he left. As his brain began to shut down from a lack of oxygen, he smiled with his last coherent motion as a goodbye to the pond that held all his memories and life.


	2. Behind You

Two middle aged men sat somberly on the dead man’s front porch. No body had been found, but they knew where he was. They knew where they would eventually go to drink and pray he wasn't floating there. Maybe they'd wait quite a few years; y’know, let him decay a bit. 

“Do you think we could have stopped him?” Gabriel stared down at his hands and sighed heavily. Maybe telling him they understood if he made any choices was wrong. Neither felt guilty, but the selfish desire to hold onto their friend was real. They'd gone on many tours together in the Middle East, and their bond was deeper than family in some ways. 

“No,” Jack shook his head and bit back tears easily despite everything. “He wasn't coming back from that trip, Gabriel.” Biting back tears didn't mean the lump in his throat wouldn't make his voice crack. Didn't mean his heart wouldn't feel like it was missing a big piece that loved a certain southern drawl and cowboy hat. 

“I miss him, stupid hat and all,” Gabriel pulled out a cigarillo and lit the end. Neither of the men held it together well as they shared one of Jesse's favorites. They took long drags as though if they puffed hard enough, he might just reappear. But they knew Jesse wasn't coming back this time. Their only comfort was that Jesse was finally at peace and no longer in pain. 

 

Smaller hands than his own smacked his face almost impatiently. “Are you actually awake?” The voice was gruff and had a foreign tinge to it, some sort of Asian accent tilting the words a bit awkwardly yet smoothly. He blinks open his eyes and rubs them, as the voice continues, “Might I ask why you tried to drown yourself in that pond?”

“I have stage four cancer, sir,” Jesse sighs and tears are already falling. Crying was becoming a usual thing for him. “I thank you for saving me, but you really… just delayed what I will do again. There's no hope for me, all you did was let me suffer another day. I'm so tired.” E wasn't sure why he was unloading all this onto the stranger, but he continued. “I don't want my friends to see me get any weaker and I don't want them to see me in pain. I want them to remember me healthy.”

The foreign man was silent, sizing up Jesse’s words. If Jesse had looked around for even a moment, he would've realized how peculiar the cabin around him was. There were skins everywhere from small and large game alike. A fire was going with fish roasting to the sides of a cauldron. Herbs hung from the rafters and incense was burning near a north facing window. Most out of place were two small dragons that were looped around the foreign man’s neck. At first glance they appeared to be jewelry, but if you stared long enough they were obviously breathing.

“So you say your cancer is what ails you?” The foreign man chooses his words carefully as his eyes check Jesse over. “Feel your stomach, do you feel any lumps? Your rest here has healed you of all you have been subjugated to.”

“Am.. am I dead?” Jesse stares at the foreign man. “Are you here to help me cross over?”

“I am simply here because you smiled. You were dead, but now you are not,” the foreign smiles and chuckles softly. “Though I must say, I'm surprised your soul called out so strongly to thank the pond I was visiting. Quite amazing. Been a very long time since a human did that.” The foreign man just laughs impishly. “I simply had to cure you.”

“Uh… cure me?” Jesse levels a very dark stare at the man, believing he was being made fun of. “Are you really making fun of me? I just tried to kill myself, you saved me, and now you're making fun of me?”

Taken aback, the foreign man stares at Jesse in equal amounts of disbelief. “Do… do the people of this land no longer tell the tale of the wandering healers?”

“Wha’d’ya mean?” Jesse finally looks around at his mystical surroundings. “Are you… uh… a big Harry Potter fan?” He mutters quietly as he waits for an answer. 

“Harry Potter? You mean a book? You think I'm some hocus-pocus doer?” The foreign man laughs. “I suppose that answers my question. And no, while I enjoyed the books, this is my cottage by this pond. Recently I decided I needed a breath of fresh air, and I happened to see you… then I felt your energy thank my pond dearly.” 

The man adjusts his fancy robe that looked very… anime-ish to Jesse. Perhaps more of a traditional Japanese to put it correctly. “Oh… so you're a… wandering healer?”

Obviously beginning to lose his calm and polite attitude, “Yes. From Japan.” Jesse could almost hear the regret of saving him in the man's voice. “Of course, if you want to die so much, I'll drown you myself.”

“I'll die soon enough,” Jesse laughs as he stands at the man’s prompting. Usually standing up was hard and an affair in itself, this time it just… happened normally. There was no weird weight throwing him off balance at all.

“I told you, cow man,” the man’s gruff voice was highly annoyed, “I cured you. Cancer can never ail you again. Don't waste your new life; love everyone and spread peace-“ the foreign man was cut off abruptly and let out a squeak as Jesse hugged him tightly. 

“Sir, you are the best man I have ever known. Thank you so much, don't ever hesitate to visit or stay at my home. You are always welcome, always. I'll make sure my entire family knows to always respect my promise. Thank you so much-“

“Hush,” the foreign man returned the hug awkwardly and patted Jesse back as Jesse had done his. “I shall visit you as you have offered some time, now walk out that door to your house. Don't waste any time wondering why you walk out your front door either. Some things are best left unexplained.”

“I won't and please don't forget to visit, sir!”

“It's Hanzo.”

“I'm Jesse, take care!”

He pushed the ancient wood door and found himself walking out onto his front porch behind two crying men. “What're you crying for, I’m back and better than ever y'all!”


	3. Alone

Glancing at the two men like they were insane, Jesse loudly announced his presence once more. Once again there was no reaction from Jack or Gabriel. Raising an eyebrow and deciding to open the door, Jesse found he just phased through it. Anger began to course through his cold veins as he started off the porch and turned to look at the men again. They continued to mourn between themselves and reminisce about when Jesse was alive.

What Jesse assumed was his heart felt heavy and hollow. He wasn’t alive. Hanzo didn’t resurrect him or anything. He was just trapped here. All Jesse could do was sit down and watch his old friends chat and go through the process of grief. It hurt more than Jesse ever could imagine. Maybe he should’ve just let cancer run its course. Maybe then he wouldn’t be stuck without the ability to comfort his friends.

Guilt builds a thick knot in his throat as he realizes how much they wanted to be there for him. Jack and Gabriel were talking about how they wished Jesse would’ve let them see him to the end. How much they wanted to support him and let him know he wasn't going through it alone. How they didn’t care if he was frail and couldn’t do much, they just wanted to be there even if Jesse chose to end his own life. Jack and Gabriel had looked into ways to help Jesse pass peacefully, but Jesse went and drowned himself in the pond before they could tell him. 

Deciding to hear their conversation to the end, Jesse sat down in the grass just below where they were. The more he listened, the more he figured out that this new existence was one of regret. He began to blame Hanzo less and less, accepting his own actions led him to this place. Eventually Jack and Gabriel fell into silence, and they just sat there staring at the sky until it fell dark and became littered with stars.

Jack was the first to stand up, and he gingerly took Gabriel’s hand to lead him back to the truck. Jesse watched, rooted to his spot until the truck disappeared behind trees when the driveway turned. He officially alone with no one to talk to or vent. He had no idea if Hanzo would still be there or if other things lurked in the woods, so he went back into his house. Though he knew it would do nothing, he laid down in his bed and just stared up at the ceiling. Jesse was surprised by how much focus it took to not fall through the bed.


End file.
